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For Bonnie, sharing her story is a way to give other survivors the support she couldn’t get in 1975. "There was nothing available like [The Voices and Faces Project] when I was 19," she remembers. "I felt totally alone."
At age 19, Bonnie was walking from her car to a friend's apartment when a man grabbed her from behind, and led her to his car, where he held her for hours and raped her. It was a long, terrifying ordeal. "I didn't think I would live. And I never imagined that this could happen to me. All these years later these memories are strong."
After she was released, Bonnie ran to her friend's apartment, and he urged her to call the police. They took her to the hospital for an exam. Her parents were waiting for her afterward. She remembers the anguished, vulnerable look on her father’s face. "He said, 'You're going to be all right, aren't you?' He wasn't telling me –
he was pleading with me. I vowed to myself that, if just for his sake, I was going to get through this."
For the first year, Bonnie was afraid to be alone and experienced flashbacks. "There were no programs for rape survivors. And my parents never brought it up after the next day. I don't blame them – I just think they thought talking about it would make it worse." Bonnie came up with her own way to discuss her rape:
"I told a few friends about it, but always as if it had happened to someone else – my 'best friend from Minnesota,'" she recalls. Talking about it "happening to someone else" is a way that many survivors, even today, first speak up.
In the late 1980s, years after being raped, Bonnie had a turning point: She and her then husband, David, were on his boat in the middle of the ocean. "It was quiet – no one could hear or see us. We were talking about my rape. He told me to scream as loud as I could, to get out all the pent up anger and fear. I did, and from then on
I was able to say the word 'rape' without whispering. And I started talking to other people, without shame or tears."
Bonnie believes that speaking out and helping others is a critical part of rebuilding her life. "I am so lucky to have my own beautiful children, and nieces and nephews. I found ways to tell them my own story, minus the graphic details, so they would understand what sexual assault is – and know to speak up. Shortly afterward,
my niece told her parents that a teacher was "tickling" her, and that teacher was confronted. We learned he was convicted of molestation a few years later after touching another child, but the previous report helped bring him to justice and kept my niece from further harm."
Bonnie urges others to talk to their children in appropriate ways about sexual assault. "By speaking openly to those you care about and others, you can save lives."
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