|
|
 
|
Like others who have been raped by someone they knew, after she was assaulted, Laura was filled with self-doubt and worried that she was to blame. Why had she drunk so much? Why had she ended up alone with him? Why had she “frozen” instead of fighting back? Hearing repeatedly that it was rape and it wasn’t her fault -- from friends, family members, and her therapist -- has been a key part of Laura’s recovery.
When Laura was 19 and in her second year of college, she went to a frat party and one of the guys she was dancing with asked if she wanted to go to his apartment. “I thought we’d just talk and maybe make out,” Laura recalls. She had been drinking heavily, but he was sober. He drove them to his place, and when they got there, he suddenly began taking off her clothes. “I was so scared and confused, I just froze.” He told her to bend over the bed. “I said no. Then he put on a condom and forced me onto the bed and raped me.” After he had raped her for about 10 minutes, she was able to get up and put her clothes on. When she tried to leave, “he made me hug him first.” He offered Laura a ride home, but she refused.
Afterward, “I thought if I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, it wouldn’t be a big deal.” But her roommate could tell something was wrong, and finally Laura described what had happened. “She said, ‘Laura, that was rape.’” That night she called an advocacy center for rape survivors and talked to a counselor. “She told me about the resources they had for me, but the most important thing was that she confirmed that it was rape. I needed to hear that.”
In the following months, Laura felt depressed, started drinking heavily, stopped exercising, and had thoughts of suicide. Dating became difficult; she had never had sexual intercourse before the rape, and she began to wonder if she’d ever enjoy it. She even got drunk and went home with someone, thinking it might make her feel better, but it didn’t.
Laura started seeing a therapist and, slowly, telling other people close to her what had happened. “Telling people relieves some of the shame surrounding it, and it also allows me to not put on a ‘happy mask’ on my hard days.” She waited months to tell her mother, because it was so difficult -- but her family has been a vital source of support, as has her therapist.
Laura feels strongly that the ways that universities address sexual violence need to change. “At Cornell, my own school, so much of the focus was on how to avoid being raped, and all of the things women should do to protect themselves. I know that rape prevention strategies are important, but those messages sometimes made me feel that I was somehow to blame. We should stop telling women what they should avoid, and start telling men and boys not to rape.”
“I’m still in the beginning stages of my recovery,” says Laura. “When I get there, I might not be the same person I was before the rape, but I can still live a real life.”
|
|
|
|