Victoria Sherden understands this all too well, and that is why she became a police officer. After joining the force in 1986, she helped countless other survivors find support and understanding following their own sexual assaults. It is the understanding that she herself desperately needed from the police years earlier, but could not find.
For six years she had been beaten and raped repeatedly by her own husband. He was a “smooth talker” who always said it would never happen again – but it always did. Victoria tried to leave him many times but couldn’t support three young children as a fast-food worker. In February of 1980, determined to leave him for good, Victoria took her children to her parents’ house, in a different city. They knew she had been beaten, but she didn’t tell them about the rapes because she felt ashamed, guilty for “failing” at her marriage, and afraid that her father and brothers would kill her husband and end up in jail.
Three months later, her husband came to her parents’ house saying he was ready to discuss child support and divorce. After she got into his car to talk with him, he drove to an isolated wooded area, beat her severely, and raped her for what would be the last time.
“I had no idea where I was, and he had broken my glasses,” remembers Victoria, but she managed to find a pay phone and called 911. The man who answered told her that because the attacker was her husband, there was nothing the police could do. “They didn’t even attempt to help me get home,” she remembers. “I walked for hours trying to find my way.”
Life became even more difficult when Victoria discovered she was pregnant as a result of the rape. She had just had a baby six months earlier; she felt she had no choice but to have an abortion. “I carried the guilt for ten years before I felt God had forgiven me. One of the hardest things about telling my story now is telling about the abortion, because only two people know about that – I kept it hidden for over 25 years. But I am speaking out now because I think that it shows how rape can put you in a spot where you do things you don’t believe in, and never thought you would have to choose to do. It changes your whole life.”
Throughout it all, Victoria found an unfailing source of support in Mama T, the godmother of one of her children, whom she called the day after the rape. “She always let me know how beautiful I was and that I could overcome anything with the help of the Lord,” says Victoria. “I owe her my life.” Their congregation was another key source of support, as was another of her children’s godmothers. For Victoria, healing was not an individual act but the result of the support she received from her two closest friends, who stood with her in the wake of her rape, and as she rebuilt her life.
As a police officer and community leader, Victoria worked within the system to make sure women who have been raped get support and a fair chance at justice, whether the perpetrator is a stranger, acquaintance, boyfriend, or husband. For many survivors, the experience of dealing with law enforcement is difficult at best, but Victoria did what she could to change that.
Change is also the reason that Victoria is speaking publicly about her rape for the first time. “The other day, my friend Mama T asked me why I was opening up an old can of worms. I explained that it is a relief to tell my story and to know that someone who is or has gone through what I have will read this. They need to know they are not alone.”
